I have already ranked the top 5 Christmas movies, so why not count down the top 5 Christmas songs. I just got back for winter break, and the store I work at part-time plays Christmas music 24/7 and has been since Thanksgiving. I have heard every single Christmas song ever created, and also every remake of every Christmas song so here goes nothing:
#5- The Christmas Shoes- Many of you might disagree because the song makes you sad, cry, angry etc. but the fact of the matter is, this is a great song. It is a very sad song, I will admit that, talking about a kid who is just trying to buy some shoes for his poor mother who is dying. I’m not really sure what was going through NewSongs heads when they decided to make a sad Christmas song like this, but they did and it was actually a big hit when it first came out. Some lady wrote a book about it which became a New York Best Seller, then they made it into a TV movie on CBS. I just stick to the YouTube video which is depressing enough, regardless of how ugly the kid in the video is. I mean, let’s be real they could have found a more convincing kid and if you haven’t seen it, watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpkI7GW2V34. With that said, I would love to put this song higher on my list but most of you will probably even disagree with it being on here so it starts the list off at #5.
#4- The Hannukah Song- Adam Sandler just plain nailed this one. This is arguably one of the funniest songs ever written, and is something you have to listen to every Christmas. “Oj Simspon, not a Jew” is probably the best line in any song ever created by anyone. That line actually inspired me to buy a shirt that says drink apple juice, OJ will kill you. Anyway, Adam Sandler is one of my favorite actors, not just because he is from my home town but because he is one of the funniest guys around. From his days on Saturday Night Live to Billy Maddison and Happy Gilmore, he never fails to make you laugh. I guess you could argue that this technically isn’t a Christmas song, but maybe it’s the part of me that wants to be diverse and understanding of other religions that allowed me to put it on the list. Maybe I will rename it the Best Holiday Songs. If I did that I think I would make Obee pretty upset. So The Hannukah Song stays at number 4 on the Best CHRISTMAS Songs list.
#3- I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas- Now, many of you are thinking this song in no way belongs at number 3. But you have to remember, the version I am specifically picking for this spot is the one from Home Alone. Here is the link of the best YouTube video of the song out there and when you hear it you’ll know which one I’m talking about http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7iLc7XhU8E. This song is gold. Every time I hear it I can’t decide which voice I want to sing. Sometimes I’m in the mood to be the deep voice and sometimes I want to be the other guy. A little variety never hurt anyone. Plus any song that is featured in any Home Alone movie is genius. I could listen to this song over and over again and it would be awesome every time. Buzz, your girlfriend WOOF. Duh duh, duh duh duh it’s number 3.
#2- Dominick the Donkey- It kills me not to put this number one but number 2 on the list is pretty solid. Who doesn’t love a song about a cute little donkey named Dominick who just makes donkey noises all day. I personally think whoever invented the whole reindeer flying Santa’s sleigh should be shot for not having little old Dominik do it. I mean come on. We all know reindeer can’t fly, and there’s probably only 100 people who have ever even seen a reindeer in their lives. I bet Dominick could pull Santa’s sleigh around the world in one night without flying. That’s what donkeys do haven’t you seen Borat? So it is here that I start my petition of killing of Rudolph because, lets face it the other reindeer don’t even like him, and letting Dominick take over. The damn reindeer in Elf almost got Santa killed, what would we do without Santa? We would all have to go to church and celebrate the birth of Christ and who really wants to do that, America’s Christmas is way better.
#1- All I want for Christmas is You- I had to do it. This is by far the best Christmas song out there. Mariah Carey in her prime, singing a song about me. How could you not like it? For the record, she never got her wish. I played hard to get but she ended up settling for Nick Cannon. This song comes on the radio and it gets you in the Christmas spirit. See, this song is almost as sad as Christmas shoes, because it has this poor lady who doesn’t want anything for Christmas except me, and while I have to admit I would be a pretty good Christmas gift, I don’t compare to something like, lets say an Ipod, or that ugly sweater your creepy Uncle made you. As Michael Scott once said, “Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth’.” And Mariah Carey doesn’t even want any presents. That’s why she is landing the top spot on my list. Merry Christmas, holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol.
P.S.- Think of how much better that Mariah Carey picture would be with Dominick in it.