Top 5 Office Episodes Ever

I’ve been watching some Office episodes the past few days and it had me wondering what episodes were the best of the best. The Office is by far one of the best shows on T.V., of course not including the post-Michael Scott era which clearly isn’t the same. A little part of me died inside on Michael Scott’s last episode, but I have to be honest, the episodes since he left have surpassed my expectations. With all that said, here is my top 5:

5.  Scott’s Tots- Hey Mr. Scott, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do make our dreams come true. This episode sums up Michael in a nutshell. Basically he offers a class of third graders that if they graduate high school he would pay for their college. They come up with a song and dance for him and he has to tell them that he has no money but offers them laptop batteries instead. The only promise funnier/more empty than Michael Scott’s is every promise out of Obama’s mouth. Also, Dwight’s impersonations of Kevin, Toby and Stanley at the end of the episode are spot on and hilarious.

P.S. that clip says it all

4. Dwight’s Speech- This is possibly my favorite episode, just because after watching his speech for the first time I think I laughed for 20 minutes straight. Just the whole sequence when Dwight gets to the conference and him having a panic attack in his seat when they call him on stage is great. How anyone sat in that auditorium filming that without dying laughing is beyond me.

3. Goodbye, Toby- The feud between Toby and Michael is one of the best parts of the show. Probably the best feud in TV history. I think the best part of this whole episode might be when Dwight convinces Holly that Kevin is mentally challenged. The scene where he is trying to figure out what snack to get and empties his pocket trying to count his change makes me die, and kind of reminds me of myself at work sometimes. I will probably at some point in my life give a gift like the one Michael gives to Toby too, a giant rock with a note that says suck on this on it. Kind of like what the Orlando Magic got from the Sixers and Lakers.”Of all the idiots, in all the idiot villages, in all the idiot stand alone my friend”.

2. Product Recall- How can anyone forget that little duck having sex with the mouse? At least it was consensual. This episode is probably Creed’s finest episode as well.”Every week I’m supposed to do a quality check in the paper mill and of course the one year I blow it off, this happens”. Michael probably drops his best line also telling the client who comes in for the press conference to call the ungrateful biotch hotline. Plus the apology video, I tried to find a link for it but theres no good ones. Too much going on in this episode to recall all of it but its 22 minutes of the opposite of Sandusky.

1. Conflict Resolution- This episode is the best just because of the scene where Jim goes through all his pranks on Dwight. It is just 3 minutes straight of laughing hysterically. My favorite is Dwight finding a bloody glove in his desk and says Jim tried to convince him he committed murder.The rest of the episode is priceless also. Dwight’s I.D on the huge laminate that said security threat. “Someone complained that the bathroom is white’s only…Stanley you know this isn’t true”. Just too many good parts in this episode which gives it the glory of number 1.

Words with Friends or Angry Birds?

There are only two games I have ever played on my phone, and I am pretty sure they are the most popular. I started out with Angry Birds and then evolved to Words With Friends. Angry Birds was great for the first few weeks. I couldn’t stop playing it. Whether I was in class, eating dinner, going to the bathroom, it didn’t matter. Hearing those cute little bird voices just brightened my day. Then I reached the highest level and found out in order to beat it I had to get 3 stars on every single level and proceeded to vomit on myself and find a new game. So I heard about Words With Friends which is Scrabble but with a name that makes you think you actually have friends. I was addicted, but not for a few weeks only for a few days. So many people were playing it and it seemed like I had to come up with a new word every minute. Then I found out people were cheating and looking up words online and I realized why I kept losing to people with lesser vocabularies than myself. I kept playing however, but couldn’t play for more than a few days at a time, but I play it more than Angry Birds now. So this leads me to the biggest question of all time, which game is better? Angry Birds or Words With Friends? I am sure there are many more awesome games that I don’t even know about or in Frank the Tank’s mind “We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they’re silk panties, maybe it’s a thong. Maybe it’s something really cool that I don’t even know about.” So vote on which game is better and please comment and tell me what better kind of panties there are out there, I mean better phone games.

P.S. If you are one of those people who cheat at Words With Friends, I hate you, sincerely.

Top 5 Celebrities I Hate The Most

I was watching ESPN the other day, and since College football is almost done, they are starting to talk about the NFL draft and who is projected to be picked in the first round. I heard the name Mel Kiper Jr. for the first time this year and I wanted to throw up. Just hearing his name makes me angry, and that inspired me to make this list of the top 6 celebrities I hate the most. Feel free to comment and add in whoever you hate too, the more the merrier.

7. Kanye West/John Mayer/Anyone who broke Taylor’s heart- Ok so this was only going to be a 6 person list then I remembered these horrible people. Kanye West had probably the biggest scumbag move of all time when he jumped on stage of the 2009 VMA’s when Taylor Swift was accepting her award for video of the year. Listen Kanye, Beyoncé’s video sucked. It was her and two dancers dancing in a white room. No creativity, no nothing. Plus you are a scum for taking up my entire Twitter feed the other night talking about God knows what with you and I can’t even come up with anything because it made no sense. And you John Mayer….I hope you wake up every morning to Dear John and cry because I do. Just kidding…but seriously. No, he is a horrible person who shouldn’t have even been dating Taylor or whatever they were. T-Swifts mom should have known after listening to Daughters by Mayer that all he wants to do in life is snatch up your daughter and get them prego. Always be cautious of a guy who sits by himself playing acoustic. Then anyone else who broke T-Swifts heart, you suck and I hate you. If she would have met me when she was 15 she would have nothing to write about.

6. Bob Costas– I actually started the list off without Bob Costas and knew I couldn’t make this list without him so I added a spot. This guy is the least funny person I have ever listened to in my life. He never used to try to be funny, at least not that I can remember, but recently he has tried and it just doesn’t work. I really hate him for his rant this season on Sunday Night Football about the players and their celebrations after touchdowns. I wanted to reach through my TV and punch him right in the face. He is the reason the NFL is the no fun league. Listen Bob, there is a reason they only let you do your rants right in the middle of halftime, it’s because nobody is watching.

5. Kevin Garnett/Paul Pierce– I am putting these two as a combo because I just couldn’t decide who I hate more. Garnett is the biggest wannabe thug I have ever seen, and I wish someone would just clock him. Take it easy KG, the game just started and you have a bucket of sweat dripping off you and you are swearing to yourself up and down the court. Pierce is just a soccer player in a basketball uniform. That guy flops more than anyone I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot of floppers since I am (or was) a Duke fan. I have no idea how he is going to live this season with the NBA taking away shooting fouls for when players throw their arms in the air after a foul in order to make it a shooting foul. That was the biggest crock in NBA is when players did that and nobody did it more than Pierce. Be thankful you two are only number 5 on my list.


4. The entire cast of Jersey Shore (minus Pauly)- I’ll admit it, I watch Jersey Shore. So what. It is great entertainment, and whoever came up with the show is a pure genius. However, it is embarrassing that this is what American entertainment has come to. Maybe I hate them because I wish I could get paid to go to clubs, get drunk, fight, and sleep all day but regardless of why, I still hate them. Pauly is the only normal one, and I say normal as in the most normal he could possibly be for being a Guido on the Jersey Shore. I used to like Vinny and thought he was “normal” until the season premier a few nights ago when the guy was crying because he missed his mom and family. Bro, you are getting paid to get drunk, go to clubs, and sleep. I think you can handle not seeing your family for 3 months, or god forbid what happens when you have to get a real job like the rest of America and have to move out of your house. Don’t even get me started on Ron and Sam. The best line I think of all time in the history of the world was when Ron said something like “I love you, that’s why I at least cheated on you behind your back instead of right in front of you”. It was something like that, but regardless that is definitely true love right there. Anyways, great TV show but I hate you all.


3. Joe Buck– Wow. That is all that comes to my mind when I listen to anything Joe Buck says. Especially now a days he has this whole not caring tone in his voice. It’s hard to explain but I know I’m not the only one who noticed it. It sounds like he has 3 of Tim McCarver’s tampons shoved up his nose, you know, that sound. I’m not really sure why I hate him. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s like 5 feet tall or the smug look on his face every time they show him on camera. Maybe it’s the fact that he hates every team that I root for. The best moment in my life was in 2004 when the Red Sox won the World Series and you could hear the pain in Joe Buck’s voice when he said the Red Sox were World Champions. I guess I just don’t like him because he never really adds anything interesting to any game he does. He’s like Joe Morgan on the old Sunday Night Baseball games, “You know, if he swings and pops it up and they catch it, I think it’s a good chance that will be an out”. Yeah thanks Joe, wasn’t sure if that would be something else. Thank god he was canned. Anyways, I hate you Joe Buck. That just has a good ring to it. T-shirt idea?

2. Tommy Heinsohn– I hate him even more right now for the fact that I am not putting him number one. If you know anything about me, you know how much I hate Tommy Heinsohn. The thing is, nobody really agreed with me that the guy was off his rocker, and people are starting to realize that this season. This guy amazes me every time I listen to him speak, and that is not very often. He is so bad, I have watched Celtics games on mute so I did not have to hear the ignorant, biased comments he made on a daily basis. The ball could literally be thrown off Paul Pierce’s head and bounce 8 rows into the stands and Tommy would either yell and scream how it wasn’t out-of-bounds on the Celtics or that Pierce deserves a Tommy point for taking one in the forehead. I’m pretty sure he even gave KG a Tommy point when he called Charlie Villanueva a cancer patient. Maybe Heinsohn was a good announcer at some point in his life, I can’t even wrap my head around the notion that this guy coached in the NBA. Either way, it’s his time. The bell has rung. Hang em’ up and go have a few beers with John Madden and talk about Greg Stiemsma and half the guys on the Patriots that John Madden still can’t pronunciate. Uh Tim Brady, oh I’m sorry that s Tom Brady. Seriously though, this hurts that I have him at number 2 but maybe one day he will make it to number one.

1. Mel Kiper Jr. – This guy is only on TV two months, if that, out of the year and I hate him more than anyone. This is a genuine hate too. I hear his voice and even his name and I get angry. I really don’t even know why. Maybe because he gets paid to give his opinion on something as stupid and meaningless as the NFL Draft. Like, let’s be honest. What in the world does you giving me a list of YOUR top 10 players do for anyone? He gets paid to do a mock draft that has no effect on anything. For the most part he is wrong every year too. He is worse than weathermen. The thing is, he thinks he is God’s gift to Earth. I don’t even think any of the other ESPN analysts like him either. At least analysts who do baseball games or football can give us information that maybe we missed in a game or didn’t understand, but Mel Kiper just gives us a list of players and who he would pick if he was these NFL teams. Give me half his salary, a list of the guys in the draft and a hat and I will give you my opinion and the same thing will happen.