Im Baaaaack

World Series - St Louis Cardinals v Boston Red Sox - Game Six

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been a long long time since I’ve been on here, but do not worry at all, because I am back. And since I got 17 hours of sleep last night, I feel like now is a good time to recap everything that has happened since I have been gone. So let’s give it a try.

1. Red Sox dominated life- This team proved everyone wrong, including myself and I loved every second of it. I didn’t think they even had a shot at making the playoffs but once again we are all witness to what a bunch of mediocre guys can do if they enjoy playing together. Even when they had the best record in baseball, I still thought they were going to lose to the Rays in the 1st round. But once they beat them I think everyone knew it was over. The only bad part of the whole thing was that Obee made the dumbest bet in the history of betting and put 100 bucks on the Sox to win the World Series pre-season at 35-1 and got rewarded. Craziest thing I’ve ever seen.

2. NFL sucks- This has been the worst season I’ve seen in a long time. With all the new rules and players safety precautions, it’s making the game unbearable to watch. Sure player safety is a serious thing, but I also hate how the players are whining about player safety and that they can’t hit anyone on defense. Like, hello. Football is a contact sport. There is a great risk for injury, and there has been since the first time anyone ever played. And you’re telling us now that it’s not right and they need to do something. But then complain when the NFL changes rules because it makes your job impossible. Everyone is soft these days. If you don’t want to run the risk of getting a concussion and then having serious illness when you’re older, then find a different sport to play. We’ll bring in Shane Falco to suit up every Sunday and of course the Honey Badger would play because you know he don’t care. Get rid of all the stupid rules and find players who are willing to take the risk.

3. The Atlantic Division in the NBA is screwing the 76ers- Every year I watch the Sixers with just a little bit of hope that they could be competitive. And every year I am disappointed. This year, the Sixers get 2 lottery picks in the draft in Michael Carter-Williams and Nerlens Noel, plus the Pelicans likely lottery pick next year and of course, our shoe in 1st overall pick from sucking this year. Well folks, the Sixers don’t even know how to tank right. Like, the city of Philadelphia and all your fans WANT YOU TO LOSE. I don’t want you to win 30 games and make the playoffs because the East absolutely blows. 30 wins might win the Atlantic. Like, screw off Knicks and Nets and Celtics. We knew Parker and Wiggins were legit first. We decided to tank first. You can’t come in like this and just blatantly suck and make the race for last competitive. That’s not how it works. Also, LeBron to the Sixers next year, you heard it hear first. Where better for LeBron to go than Philly. He’d be surrounded by 2 lottery picks from this year, then 2 from next year in a LOADED draft. Sixers can afford him. Lock it up. See you in Philly next year LeBron.

4. Bruins are kind of good- 1st place in the division going into Thanksgiving. I can deal with that. But let’s make something clear. They are not playing great hockey. I heard a stat the other night that something like 15 of their 30 something goals given up this year have been in the last 2 minutes of a period. We need to stop that right now. All I can picture is us losing every game in the playoffs in the last second and me wanting to kill myself. Tighten it up Claude. Other than that, Tuukka is playing great which makes their decision to sign him long term look good. The Bergeron, Erikksson, Marchand line is starting to come around so that’s good too. Oh, and our 3rd line is dominating people. The One-Eyed-Swede is looking great out there and Riley Smith is playing like a veteran. Let’s just put it all together down the stretch and you can get the Duck Boats ready!

5. Obamacare sucks- So in the month that Obamacare launched, I think my fantasy football team won more games than people signed up for this thing. We got Democrats acting like there’s nothing wrong with spending a billion dollars on something that doesn’t work and you have Republicans shutting down the government. Obama, just admit you were wrong and come up with something that works for everyone. How hard is that? Your idea sucked. It happens. It just happens that you are the President of the United States so your fuck up kind of screws a lot of people. No biggie. You can either stop this now and maybe do something right in your 8 years of office, or leave it and have your grandchildren embarrassed in their US History classes when they get to the chapter of “How Obama Ruined America”. Pretty awkward.

6. New York City sucks- A few weekends ago I took a trip to NYC to get a taste of big city livin. Instead I got to get in almost 8 accidents, stare at huge piles of garbage and deny thousands of bums money because honestly most of those bums are probably better off than me. NYC is disgusting. Not to mention the $115 parking ticket I got for parking in front of a fire hydrant. I park there at 5pm and the curb was covered in trash. I mean this was a trash pile so big that it was twice the size of me high and wider than my car. Like, at 3am there was  a herd of bums lounging in it, and yes the word herd is absolutely necessary. So obviously I couldn’t see the fire hydrant and when the garbage men come, well wouldn’t you know there’s a fire hydrant right next to my car. And the city of NYC tells me that I need to provide evidence. Yeah, cause I’m sure you take a picture of your car every time you park it. Unbelievable.

So there’s what we all missed while I was gone. You guys are more than welcome to resume life now.

How Pissed Would You Be If You Were Tim Tebow?

sanchezPoor Timmy is all I gotta say. How big of a slap in the face is it to trade for a quarterback only to try and ruin his career? If you don’t think the Jets just wanted to screw Tebow over you’re crazy. Everyone knows Tebow wants to be a quarterback. Whether anyone thinks he could be an NFL quarterback is irrelevant because Tebow doesn’t care. I’m sure he hated every single second he was on the punt team but he decided he could put up with it until Mark Sanchez showed his true colors and he could swoop in and save the day. Unfortunately for him, Rex Ryan is one of the worst head coaches of all time and brought the Jets down with his decision to stick with Sanchez week in and week out. And to boot, he goes and gives the job the last two weeks to the 3rd string quarterback who was inactive for half the games. Um, that makes total sense. Sure you can argue all day about which guy is better, and McElroy might be a better quarterback but what is the point of trading for Tebow if you have a guy who could be your future already on the roster? Let’s bring Tebow in, make him put on 25 pounds so it screws up his mobility and throwing, so we can have a guy we can run a fake punt to twice all season.

Tebow could have gone to Jacksonville and been starter by week 4. That team is god awful though, so I don’t blame him for wanting to go to New York instead. Think of the decision from Tim’s point of view: I’ll go to New York, get to live in the city, sit behind Sanchez until week 4 when they have 3 losses and Sanchez is playing like the terrible quarterback he is, take over a team with a solid defense, good running game, and who cares who the wide-out’s are because who needs wide receivers?  I think the Jets would definitely be in the playoffs if they handed the team over to Tebow earlier on in the season, but they would have been the same as the Broncos last year. Not really contenders because the defense is good but not that good and the offense has no weapons to come from behind and win a game. I would LOVE to see Tebow go to the Vikings next year. They have a very good defense, the best running back in the league, a solid tight end in Rudolph and a wide receiver in Percy Harvin who can do whatever you need him to. If that isn’t a perfect place for Tebow to thrive I’m not sure what is. And let’s face it, Christian Ponder is garbage. He won’t win you any games, and he sure as hell can lose you games single handedly. Tebow might  not win you that many games, but he is excellent at managing the game and making smart decisions to put you in position to win.

I know most of you reading this probably hate Tebow and think he sucks, but any normal thinking human can’t possibly not feel bad for the guy this season. If you win 8 games in the NFL at QB you deserve a chance to lose your job, not be subject to the side show known as the New York Jets. Vote and tell me what you think, whether you feel bad for Tebow this year or whether you think he deserved to be part of this joke team.

NFL Week 3

Last week was a tough week. There were 3 pushes which could have either boosted me to a great week or knocked me down to a terrible week. Either way, I ended with 7-6-3 bringing my two week total to 15-13-3. By my math that is around 54% which is not very good but also not bad. This week I guarantee 10 wins. So if there is ever a week to pony up some money behind my picks, this is it. There have been 2 weeks and the league is as competitive as it’s ever been with 20 teams at 1-1. By the way, screw the Patriots who screwed about 40% of everyone in the world who was in a survivor pool.

Rams @ Bears (-7)- No Forte probably and coming off an embarrassing loss to the Packers in prime time. They have had extra time to prepare though and that goes a long way in the NFL. Rams looked good in their big win against the Redskins but in reality they should have been going to overtime and then who knows what happens. 7 is a good spread for this, I think the Bears win and I see them barely covering the spread.

Tbows Pick- Bears -7

Bucs @ Cowboys (-7)- So clearly Vegas didn’t watch the Cowboys last week. Just looked awful. I expected them to put up some type of fight against the Seahawks but on the other hand the Bucs looked awesome then looked terrible. I think these two teams are very similar and very inconsistent. Both can play at a high level but can also stink up the joint as bad as anyone. I like the Bucs to win and cover.

Tbows Pick- Bucs +7

49ers @ Vikings (+7)- 49ers are looking like the real deal this year. They can throw the ball when they need to and run the ball down your throat. The Vikings lost a heart breaker to the Colts last week and it looks like they are going to lose again this week.

Tbows Pick- 49ers -7

Lions @ Titans (+4)- The Lions are coming off a tough loss to the 49ers and the Titans are coming off a pretty bad loss to the Chargers. The offense for the Lions hasn’t really been there yet, so this is the week I look for them to open it up. Rivers threw for 3 and should have been 4 touchdowns against the Titans last week so I am looking for a huge day from Stafford and Calvin and the Lions to get back on track.

Tbows Pick- Lions -4

Bengals @ Redskins (-3.5)- This is a tough one. The Bengals played good offensively last week, but 20+ points to the Browns offense? That’s worrisome especially seeing how good the Redskins offense looks. I am just going to have to go with my gut on this one and say RGIII doesn’t disappoint in his home opener and the Skins beat the Bengals by a touchdown.

Tbows Pick- Redskins -3.5

Jets @ Dolphins (+3)-  This one needs no analysis. The Jets played a tough team and still put up a pretty good fight and the Dolphins just played a garbage Oakland team.

Tbows Pick- Jets -3

Chiefs @ Saints (-9)- It is really hard to put faith in this Saints team even though the Chiefs have looked BAD on defense. I will give the Saints one more shot and they should explode on offense this week for a big win at home which they need badly.

Tbows Pick- Saints -9

Bills @ Browns (+3)- The Bills looked good on offense granted it was against the Chiefs and I am feeling a big trend this season on teams coming off losses and beating teams coming off wins. The Browns offense showed something last week, and they are at home so I like the Browns in this one, sadly.

Tbows Pick- Browns +3

Jags @ Colts (-3)- So I liked the Colts last week to win and they almost blew it but ended up winning in stunning fashion on a Peyton like drive at the end of the game. Luck is looking like the real deal and he has instant chemistry with Reggie Wayne as well as Donnie Avery. Austin Collie might be coming back this week too and I just think the Colts have too many weapons for the Jags to compete with.

Tbows Pick- Colts -3

Eagles @ Cardinals (+4)- I am a bit nervous taking my Eagles as road favorites. They are coming off a HUGE win against one of the best if not the best team in the AFC and so are the Cardinals. But the Eagles defense is just stout this year. The Eagles offense still isn’t quite there yet and they’ve turned it over 4+ times in the first two games and they have still won both. That says something about how good the Eagles D is. Would it be bad if I only said I like the birds in this one?

Tbows Pick- Eagles -4

Falcons @ Chargers (+3)- The Falcons are 2-0 and so are the Chargers. This ones a coin flip, maybe we see Matthews this week, who knows. Maybe Turner drives drunk to the game, who knows. Since home teams raped last week I will just go with the home dawgs in this one.

Tbows Pick- Chargers +3

Texans @ Broncos (+3)- The Broncos have faced two good teams thus far and the Texans really haven’t had a test. The Broncos are a tough team at home but Peyton looked like the Peyton I expected him to be last game. Turnovers killed them but they still had a shot. I just think the run game of the Texans will be too much so I am taking another road favorite in the Texans.

Tbows Pick- Texans -3

Steelers @ Raiders (+4.5)- Can you say trap game? Coming off a big win against the Jets last week and then a big game next week against the Eagles. I like me some Raiders this week in the black hole to shock the Steelers.

Tbows Pick- Raiders +4.5

Patriots @ Ravens (-3)- Couldn’t think of a better Sunday night game to have on. These two teams are both 1-1 and whoever wins will have a 2 game lead over the other with the tiebreaker going to whoever wins in terms of seeding for the playoffs. I’m just not sold on the Patriots this season. Thought I was after week one but they lost to a decent, not good, decent Cardinals team. The Ravens have never beaten the Patriots in the regular season, but then again the Patriots had won, what, their past 10 home openers? Bound to lose sometime and I just think the balance of the Ravens and them being at home are going to be too much.

Tbows Pick- Ravens -3

Packers @ Seahawks (+3.5)- This will be a good game as well. Like I said last week, The 12th man in Seattle is probably the biggest advantage of any team in the league. It’s loud and it’s a place nobody wants to play. The Packers are vulnerable on defense against a power running game which is what the Hawks have. However, I am not sure they have the defense to keep up with all the Packers weapon. Close first half and then the Pack pull away by two TD’s.

Tbows Pick- Packers -3.5

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Tebow to save Jets and kill Sanchez’s career

Today, well yesterday Tim Tebow was announced officially as a member of the New York Jets. A little bit of me died inside with this announcement but that is beside the point. I am trying to figure out who was more disrespected in the transaction. Was it Tim Tebow who saved the Broncos season and led them to a playoff victory only to lose to a much better Patriots team and be given away by the Anti-Christ John Elway or Mark Sanchez who just signed a huge contract only to see his organization trade for Tebow who could potentially take his job and win over the locker room? I think it’s Tebow by far. Here is what is going to happen, and when it does you all can say wow, Tbow was right. So training camp will roll along, we will see video of Peyton looking stellar with his red don’t hit me jersey on throwing lasers down the field and John Elway standing on the sideline looking like a happy horse who just got his poopy stable cleaned. Then comes the Preseason. Peyton goes down, reaggrivates his injury and can’t play for the rest of his career. John Elway looks up only to see a group of fans wearing Tim Tebow jerseys and hears the song “Our God is an Awesome God” playing in his head the rest of his life. Denver goes on to accomplish what the Lions did a few years ago and go 0-16. John Elway gets run over by a real life Bronco that looks identical to him and dies instantly. Put all your money on it. Don’t underestimate Tebow’s powers. Winning football games with no talent around you takes ten times more effort than calling for a karate chop to Peytons neck and a Bronco getting loose at a nearby zoo.

All kidding aside, I see Tebow getting the starting job around week 3. Mark Sanchez has the mental capacity of a 5-year-old. And I am not talking about a five-year old from back in the day who was raised correctly I am talking about the five-year olds now that get a trophy for showing up to practice and have an ice cream party after losing 30-0 in a baseball game. His mind is already screwed up right now after that trade, never mind when Timmy is calling him up every other day to say whats up and asking him to go build houses with him in the Philipines. First day of practice Tim is going to walk up to Cromarte and say “hey man, you remember that Tweet saying your good?” and then he is going to kick him right in the balls and say “you’re welcome. now you don’t have to worry about having any more children”. Power move of the century. I couldn’t see a team that was more unfit for Tebow. Just a bunch of punks and idiots and foot lovers who all think they are the best players and entitled to everything. Just wait. Plaxico will be carrying a Bible to clubs instead of a gun and Rex is going to start licking Rosary beads instead of feet. If Tebow Jesus could turn water into wine, there is no doubt Tim will bring the Super Bowl to New York next season.