Im Baaaaack

World Series - St Louis Cardinals v Boston Red Sox - Game Six

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been a long long time since I’ve been on here, but do not worry at all, because I am back. And since I got 17 hours of sleep last night, I feel like now is a good time to recap everything that has happened since I have been gone. So let’s give it a try.

1. Red Sox dominated life- This team proved everyone wrong, including myself and I loved every second of it. I didn’t think they even had a shot at making the playoffs but once again we are all witness to what a bunch of mediocre guys can do if they enjoy playing together. Even when they had the best record in baseball, I still thought they were going to lose to the Rays in the 1st round. But once they beat them I think everyone knew it was over. The only bad part of the whole thing was that Obee made the dumbest bet in the history of betting and put 100 bucks on the Sox to win the World Series pre-season at 35-1 and got rewarded. Craziest thing I’ve ever seen.

2. NFL sucks- This has been the worst season I’ve seen in a long time. With all the new rules and players safety precautions, it’s making the game unbearable to watch. Sure player safety is a serious thing, but I also hate how the players are whining about player safety and that they can’t hit anyone on defense. Like, hello. Football is a contact sport. There is a great risk for injury, and there has been since the first time anyone ever played. And you’re telling us now that it’s not right and they need to do something. But then complain when the NFL changes rules because it makes your job impossible. Everyone is soft these days. If you don’t want to run the risk of getting a concussion and then having serious illness when you’re older, then find a different sport to play. We’ll bring in Shane Falco to suit up every Sunday and of course the Honey Badger would play because you know he don’t care. Get rid of all the stupid rules and find players who are willing to take the risk.

3. The Atlantic Division in the NBA is screwing the 76ers- Every year I watch the Sixers with just a little bit of hope that they could be competitive. And every year I am disappointed. This year, the Sixers get 2 lottery picks in the draft in Michael Carter-Williams and Nerlens Noel, plus the Pelicans likely lottery pick next year and of course, our shoe in 1st overall pick from sucking this year. Well folks, the Sixers don’t even know how to tank right. Like, the city of Philadelphia and all your fans WANT YOU TO LOSE. I don’t want you to win 30 games and make the playoffs because the East absolutely blows. 30 wins might win the Atlantic. Like, screw off Knicks and Nets and Celtics. We knew Parker and Wiggins were legit first. We decided to tank first. You can’t come in like this and just blatantly suck and make the race for last competitive. That’s not how it works. Also, LeBron to the Sixers next year, you heard it hear first. Where better for LeBron to go than Philly. He’d be surrounded by 2 lottery picks from this year, then 2 from next year in a LOADED draft. Sixers can afford him. Lock it up. See you in Philly next year LeBron.

4. Bruins are kind of good- 1st place in the division going into Thanksgiving. I can deal with that. But let’s make something clear. They are not playing great hockey. I heard a stat the other night that something like 15 of their 30 something goals given up this year have been in the last 2 minutes of a period. We need to stop that right now. All I can picture is us losing every game in the playoffs in the last second and me wanting to kill myself. Tighten it up Claude. Other than that, Tuukka is playing great which makes their decision to sign him long term look good. The Bergeron, Erikksson, Marchand line is starting to come around so that’s good too. Oh, and our 3rd line is dominating people. The One-Eyed-Swede is looking great out there and Riley Smith is playing like a veteran. Let’s just put it all together down the stretch and you can get the Duck Boats ready!

5. Obamacare sucks- So in the month that Obamacare launched, I think my fantasy football team won more games than people signed up for this thing. We got Democrats acting like there’s nothing wrong with spending a billion dollars on something that doesn’t work and you have Republicans shutting down the government. Obama, just admit you were wrong and come up with something that works for everyone. How hard is that? Your idea sucked. It happens. It just happens that you are the President of the United States so your fuck up kind of screws a lot of people. No biggie. You can either stop this now and maybe do something right in your 8 years of office, or leave it and have your grandchildren embarrassed in their US History classes when they get to the chapter of “How Obama Ruined America”. Pretty awkward.

6. New York City sucks- A few weekends ago I took a trip to NYC to get a taste of big city livin. Instead I got to get in almost 8 accidents, stare at huge piles of garbage and deny thousands of bums money because honestly most of those bums are probably better off than me. NYC is disgusting. Not to mention the $115 parking ticket I got for parking in front of a fire hydrant. I park there at 5pm and the curb was covered in trash. I mean this was a trash pile so big that it was twice the size of me high and wider than my car. Like, at 3am there was  a herd of bums lounging in it, and yes the word herd is absolutely necessary. So obviously I couldn’t see the fire hydrant and when the garbage men come, well wouldn’t you know there’s a fire hydrant right next to my car. And the city of NYC tells me that I need to provide evidence. Yeah, cause I’m sure you take a picture of your car every time you park it. Unbelievable.

So there’s what we all missed while I was gone. You guys are more than welcome to resume life now.

The Red Sox are Pathetic

This post has been long coming. The fact that all of this, and I tried to find a better word for it but just couldn’t, but all of this bullshit coming to a peak right now shouldn’t surprise any of us. We were all excited when the Sox signed Adrian and Crawford a few years back, thinking getting to the World Series would be a breeze. Well, they won like 2 games in their first 10. That was sign number 1. Sign number 2 I completely blocked out of my memory because I think I was in denial, but let’s not forget about that monumental collapse in September. Despicable. Disgusting. Vomit. Sign number 3 was both Crawford sucking and him sucking enough for him to write a letter to the fans saying he’d play better next year. Well, next year happened and Crawford wasn’t a part of it. Normally booze and fried chicken sound like a good time, but I guess it doesn’t mix well when you are a professional baseball player. The list of things go on and on and on and on. In fact, I am going to give you guys a list of all the things I’d rather watch right now than the Red Sox:

1. Women’s anything (includes WNBA preseason, non-competitive archery matches, etc.)

2. Sportscenter after LeBron won the championship on repeat for 2 weeks straight.

3. Pain Olympics

4. Roseanne singing the national anthem

5. Farrah from Teen Mom crying for hours

6. Bob Costas interview Chris Collinsworth

7. Two guys, one cup….yeah you read that correctly.

8. Aaron Boone hit his home run off Wakefield/ David Tyree’s catch on repeat for a month.

9. Adelle’s music videos back to back to back to back on mute.

10. A four hour special on Julie Chen.

Terrible, I know.

So Adrian is claimed off waivers, Lester and Jacoby are on waivers. I hope they all get claimed and the Sox let em all walk. Clean house. The one problem the Sox have had since their last World Series is their obsession with thinking that everything can be fixed and they always have a chance at winning. The notion of win now and keep bringing in high profile players that would bring fans to the stadium has come and gone and look what it’s done. Did we really need Crawford two years ago? Hell no. Did it look good on paper? Yeah of course. It all just didn’t work. Adrian is a good player, but he’s played in San Diego his whole life. In big games and clutch moments, hate to tell you but most of the time you can chalk Adrian up for a K. Some guys just don’t know how to win. Look at the team the Sox won with in ’04. They had a team of guys who bought into the team. Manny was a star, Pedro was a star and so was Ortiz. But everyone knew their role. This team has no idea what the hell is going on. Even if these guys don’t move within the waiver period, I still love the fact that the ownership actually made a statement. It’s just a big F.U. to all the players who ruined the season for fans the last two years. Hell, maybe Jacoby and Pedroia could just retire, they must have made enough money off Dunkin’s commercials to keep em going without baseball.

If Boston wasn’t such a huge sports town, this thing would have been blown up last year. Fenway would have been half empty, and ownership would have been forced to focus on baseball instead of how to make more money. But since half of the fans can’t afford to ever go a Sox game because they are always sold out and ridiculously priced, the last few years has been awesome because you can get tickets for pretty cheap and watch the shit show also known as the Red Sox. All the players should be forced to give their money back to the owners, and the owners should refund every ticket this year. That is how bad it is. Hell, sign Lance Armstrong he fits right into the baseball world. Takes PED”s and lies about it. That’s it. I’m not writing another thing about the Red Sox until Beckett, Crawford, Lester and Adrian are gone. Larry, you have my demands.

Thank God for Football

We have been about a month in to the “no need to watch Sports Center” time period which is when ESPN is filled with baseball highlights and tennis or golf. The only thing worse than hearing about LeBron all day every day is hearing about baseball, tennis and golf every day. Now we can safely say it’s football season and sports will be relevant again. We aren’t stuck with watching this sinking ship known as the Red Sox who have somehow put together the biggest team of pussy’s ever assembled. I mean they are worse than any normal soccer team. Newsflash: you guys are getting paid millions of dollars to play a game. I don’t care if you get one day off a month, I don’t care if you have to work your ass off for 6 months a year. All of us have to work 40 hours a week at a miserable job for the rest of our lives, and you have guys like David Ortiz complaining every day because his 14.5 million dollar 2012 contract isn’t enough and he wanted a multi-year deal. Or maybe Jon Lester who is pitching like Darnell McDonald and looks like he wants to off himself every time he takes the mound. Youk ratted on his teammates and decided to go into a shell until he got shipped out of here for a bag of baseballs, and Ellsbury and Crawford just enjoy watching the games from the dugout and taking the Sox money, maybe taking some Japanese lessons with the ultimate shitbag himself Dice-K. End the season now and trade them all except for Pedroia. Give me 1 million dollars a year and ill go out to center field in a wheel chair trying to catch a baseball. Or maybe they should line all of them up at Pat’s training camp on their next day off and let Mayo and Chung tee off on them.

Someone needs to explain to me why the Patriots keep signing tight ends. Are they trying to run a tight end monopoly? All I know is Vick has been talking Eagles dynasty and I dig it. They had bad overall season, but people forget how good, wait not good, dominant they were over their last 4 games. Their defense that should be dominant only gave up 46 over the last 4 games of the season and their offense put up 125. Yeah sure Vick has only played one full season but I don’t think it’s possible to have a worse offensive line than they had last season. They all looked like Michael Oher at the beginning of the Blind Side not the end. Looking at damn balloons in the air or God knows what. Also don’t forget they went 5-1 in the NFC East last season. They are bound for the Super Bowl this season, no contest…unless of course the Jets decide to hand the starting QB job over to my boy Timmy T. 41 days, I’ll see you there. I will also be starting a fantasy football once a week page, but I can’t give away too much info because my good friend Tom Bomb will steal all my strategies.