How to win your March Madness bracket

It’s that time of year again, where college basketball will consume your life from 12pm Thursday afternoon until the National Championship game. The bracket was released last night, and, like most of you, cannot wait to watch an hour long Obama bracket release special. He actually probably has less time to look into his bracket now that he’s not in the White House though, so we can’t expect too much. That was sarcasm. Aside from that, I am going to tell you exactly what you need to do in order to take down your friend or office March Madness pool.

  1. Do ZERO research- This is a crucial part when trying to determine who will advance in every game. You could spend hours reading articles and watching bracket specials, but I am going to let you in on a secret. Ready? Nobody has any idea what is going to happen. They call it March Madness for a reason. There’s a billion teams, and these kids are 18-22 years old. Last year we had our first 16 seed over a 1 seed. Anything can happen, so in reality, less is more.
  2. Pick whichever team you are a fan of to win the Championship- If you went to any of the schools, or are just a fan of any of the schools that are in the tourney, make sure you pick them to win the whole thing. If they won and you missed out on the opportunity to cash in on that, you’d hate yourself for the rest of eternity. I mean, I guess you’d be excited that your team won, but the odds of you actually picking who’s going to win are slim anyways so you might as well go with a team you like.
  3. Don’t look at the seeds- Seeding is the biggest scam that the tournament has going for it. “Oh, they are the 3 seed, no way they can lose to the 14”. It happens every year. Upsets happen, and honestly there’s usually a good amount of higher seeds that are actually Vegas favorites over the lower seeds. If you’re sitting there at the end and ready to hit submit on a bracket that has 4 number 1 seeds and 4 number 2 seeds in the Elite 8, then I’d probably hit close and start all over.
  4.  Disregard 1, 2 and 3- Don’t listen to anything I say. If you actually took any of this into account you’d be breaking rule number 1 of no research. I don’t know shit, just like everyone else. Put a blindfold on, pick teams out of a hat, I don’t care. The only way you win a bracket is to pick the champion and hope not many other people had that team also. Pretty simple. Just hope that your bracket isn’t completely busted on the first day so you can at least enjoy yelling at the TV for 96 straight hours this weekend.

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