It’s Merry Christmas to Me

It’s Christmas Eve and I have held it in long enough. I am so sick and tired of hearing Happy Holidays and how people are offended by Merry Christmas. We are in America. 60-75% of our country identify themselves as Christian. On December 25th, our society recognizes the day as Christmas Day. It isn’t Happy Holiday Day, it isn’t any other holiday either. Why is it such a big deal for commercials to recognize Christmas? Like my good friend Obee talked about, some communities are even putting up Christmas trees and calling them Holiday trees so they don’t offend anyone. Um hello. If you are offended by a Christmas tree and people saying Merry Christmas then you are truly ignorant. If someone walked up to me and said Happy Hanukkah I would say “Oh thanks same to you”. I don’t celebrate Hanukkah im not Jewish but that doesn’t mean I have to be offended by another religions holiday. You don’t see the people who are complaining about Christmas complaining that they don’t have to go in to work every year on December 25th. How about if you don’t celebrate Christmas, then you go to work on the 25th. It’s only fair right?

I have nothing against any other religion, but I just can’t understand what this whole fuss is about. Saying Merry Christmas should not offend you. If you don’t celebrate Christmas and someone says hey Merry Christmas, just take it and deal with it. I am offended by the term Happy Holidays. I don’t celebrate multiple holidays. I celebrate Christmas. Bring Christmas back. I think I am going to head down to city hall and put up a nativity scene, say one nation under God, and Tebow the rest of the day. To those celebrating Christmas tomorrow, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and Santa is good to you. If you aren’t celebrating Christmas but don’t get offended by our Christian holiday then I hope you have a great day tomorrow. If you are offended by Merry Christmas, wake up tomorrow morning and go to work, and I will be putting in my request for your religions holidays off when I go back to work.

Best Christmas Songs

I have already ranked the top 5 Christmas movies, so why not count down the top 5 Christmas songs. I just got back for winter break, and the store I work at part-time plays Christmas music 24/7 and has been since Thanksgiving. I have heard every single Christmas song ever created, and also every remake of every Christmas song so here goes nothing:

#5- The Christmas Shoes- Many of you might disagree because the song makes you sad, cry, angry etc. but the fact of the matter is, this is a great song. It is a very sad song, I will admit that, talking about a kid who is just trying to buy some shoes for his poor mother who is dying. I’m not really sure what was going through NewSongs heads when they decided to make a sad Christmas song like this, but they did and it was actually a big hit when it first came out. Some lady wrote a book about it which became a New York Best Seller, then they made it into a TV movie on CBS. I just stick to the YouTube video which is depressing enough, regardless of how ugly the kid in the video is. I mean, let’s be real they could have found a more convincing kid and if you haven’t seen it, watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpkI7GW2V34. With that said, I would love to put this song higher on my list but most of you will probably even disagree with it being on here so it starts the list off at #5.

#4- The Hannukah Song- Adam Sandler just plain nailed this one. This is arguably one of the funniest songs ever written, and is something you have to listen to every Christmas. “Oj Simspon, not a Jew” is probably the best line in any song ever created by anyone. That line actually inspired me to buy a shirt that says drink apple juice, OJ will kill you. Anyway, Adam Sandler is one of my favorite actors, not just because he is from my home town but because he is one of the funniest guys around. From his days on Saturday Night Live to Billy Maddison and Happy Gilmore, he never fails to make you laugh. I guess you could argue that this technically isn’t a Christmas song, but maybe it’s the part of me that wants to be diverse and understanding of other religions that allowed me to put it on the list. Maybe I will rename it the Best Holiday Songs. If I did that I think I would make Obee pretty upset. So The Hannukah Song stays at number 4 on the Best CHRISTMAS Songs list.

#3- I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas- Now, many of you are thinking this song in no way belongs at number 3. But you have to remember, the version I am specifically picking for this spot is the one from Home Alone. Here is the link of the best YouTube video of the song out there and when you hear it you’ll know which one I’m talking about http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7iLc7XhU8E. This song is gold. Every time I hear it I can’t decide which voice I want to sing. Sometimes I’m in the mood to be the deep voice and sometimes I want to be the other guy. A little variety never hurt anyone. Plus any song that is featured in any Home Alone movie is genius. I could listen to this song over and over again and it would be awesome every time. Buzz, your girlfriend WOOF. Duh duh, duh duh duh it’s number 3.

#2- Dominick the Donkey- It kills me not to put this number one but number 2 on the list is pretty solid. Who doesn’t love a song about a cute little donkey named Dominick who just makes donkey noises all day. I personally think whoever invented the whole reindeer flying Santa’s sleigh should be shot for not having little old Dominik do it. I mean come on. We all know reindeer can’t fly, and there’s probably only 100 people who have ever even seen a reindeer in their lives. I bet Dominick could pull Santa’s sleigh around the world in one night without flying. That’s what donkeys do haven’t you seen Borat? So it is here that I start my petition of killing of Rudolph because, lets face it the other reindeer don’t even like him, and letting Dominick take over. The damn reindeer in Elf almost got Santa killed, what would we do without Santa? We would all have to go to church and celebrate the birth of Christ and who really wants to do that, America’s Christmas is way better.

#1- All I want for Christmas is You- I had to do it. This is by far the best Christmas song out there. Mariah Carey in her prime, singing a song about me. How could you not like it? For the record, she never got her wish. I played hard to get but she ended up settling for Nick Cannon. This song comes on the radio and it gets you in the Christmas spirit. See, this song is almost as sad as Christmas shoes, because it has this poor lady who doesn’t want anything for Christmas except me, and while I have to admit I would be a pretty good Christmas gift, I don’t compare to something like, lets say an Ipod, or that ugly sweater your creepy Uncle made you. As Michael Scott once said, “Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth’.” And Mariah Carey doesn’t even want any presents. That’s why she is landing the top spot on my list. Merry Christmas, holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol.

P.S.- Think of how much better that Mariah Carey picture would be with Dominick in it.

NFC East Debacle

So going in to the final two weeks of the NFL, the most intriguing division race is the NFC East. The Cowboys, Giants and Eagles all have a shot at winning the division, and they all play each other within the next two weeks. First we will talk about my Eagles. The Eagles have the toughest route to winning the East, but to their credit they are the hottest team going in to the final 2 weeks. They face off against the Dallas Cowboys in Dallas this Saturday in a must win game. The Eagles handled the Cowboys pretty easily earlier this season, and I am looking for the same thing on Saturday. The Cowboys looked good last Saturday night, but that was against the Bucs who might have packed it in after a very disappointing season. Now, in order for the Eagles to win the division, they need to beat the Cowboys and then beat the Washington Redskins in Philadelphia in week 17, along with the Jets beating the Giants this week and the Giants beating the Cowboys in week 17. That’s a lot of “ifs” but it is very possible.

The Giants are playing the Jets in a battle of New York this week, and as bad as the Jets looked last week I am picking them to beat the Giants. Both teams have played dismal as of late, but the Jets have found a way to win late in the season the past few years, and they are now in a much tighter race for the AFC Wild Card. When the Cowboys and Giants face off in the Dirty Jerz in the final week of the season, the Giants will be looking to play spoiler. The Giants and Cowboys have a true hate for each other, and while the Giants hate the Eagles as well, there is no better way to end the season by ending someone elses season. Tony Romo always finds a way to lose the big games, and this will be the biggest game of his season. They have a shaky run game without DeMarco Murray and DeMarcus Ware has had a nagging injury that has kept him from playing a full game. In week 17, Eli leads his G-Men past the Cowboys and opens the doors for the Eagles to win the division with an 8-8 record.

Occupy This

So I would like to welcome Obee to TbowsWorld. He gave me some good blog ideas so I figured I’d give him his own page, you should all check it out. Anyways, I do not know how I haven’t written about this yet. I cannot stand the “Occupiers”. I am embarrassed that most of the ones behind this are from my generation, and apologize to all who were affected by this horrible display of…um…protesting? I think in order for it to be a protest there needs to be a goal, though. The only good thing about the Occupy protest was the fact that it gave me a cheap Halloween costume. Granted nobody had any clue what I was I still thoroughly enjoyed it. The greatest part about it was that people assumed I was dressed up as a bum or a homeless person, and they would not be wrong in assuming that. All of the Occupiers were hippies and people who looked like they shop once a month on food stamp day.

Every single time I heard one of them talk or saw a sign of something like “Bail me out” or “Give me a Job” I literally wanted to throw up. People, this is America. We pride ourselves on being a country of opportunity, where everyone has an equal shot at becoming successful. Most of the people protesting were just young people who had everything handed to them and are now faced with the real world and having to do things on their own. You don’t see illegal immigrants standing in the street complaining because, guess what, they are scooping up jobs left and right. Instead of these unemployed people actually looking for a job or taking any job they can get, they are doing what Cousin Eddy from the Vacation movies is doing and “holding out for management positions”. How can you possibly think standing in a park with thousands of hippies will get you any closer to getting a job? Why should these people have all this money and we have none that isn’t fair. Well you’re right it’s not fair. Life isn’t fair. People work hard to get where they are. The CEO’s of these large corporations didn’t get where they are by standing in a park I’ll tell you that much. I could go on forever about how much I hate the Occupiers but instead I’m gonna have you go to this link to listen to Adam Carolla’s opinion on the Occupiers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJD8pZiRIzs

And P.S. I am not the 99%. I am not part of your group. I am the .08% because I get drunk and laugh at you people. It’s too bad they kicked all of them out of the parks, now they have to go back to living on random benches. What a shame.